How I rebelled against all odds and discovered I had the power of BounceBackAbility
I lived a life in the North East of England for 46 years and 362 days.
45 of those years where mostly filled with abuse, abandonment, neglect, insecurity, too much responsibility and uncertainty as a child, leading to a life of toxicity, chaos and mayhem, which led to a lot of self sabotage, and a whole lot more, with high expectations and searching, I just didn’t quite know what I was searching for, but what I did know is that something that wasn’t human, had me covered, I just knew I was going to be ok one day.
2 Divorces, 3 Children and 100s of failed relationships on the way, proved that I had experienced many happy moments in my life. becoming a mum at 20, was the most amazing miracle that I had experienced to date , the moment she was born, I just knew I was going to do everything in my power to protect her and not subject her to any of the things I had been through. I was going to be the mum I never had for all my children. Yet there I was inside of me feeling lost, confused and numb, holding onto years of suffering and pain that I was too proud to admit and too ashamed to unveil on the inside pretending not to be a victim.
Yet, on the outside, this confident, vibrant, full of life go-to, for everyone with the skills to see and bring out the very best in others, my communication skills where second to none, you’d believe that I was an Incredible woman, as many did, I was amazing at fixing things, including others, and I couldn't fix myself.
Until the day came when I realised I just couldn’t fix everyone, this was not my job.
This relationship was filled with passion, toxicity, venom, madness, fear, imprisonment, lies, terrorism, lust and the unhealthiest level of love in my life and i protected him to the end. I guess sprawled guzzling alcohol and pills begging my brother at his graveside to take me with him was the final straw, my pitfall, the place I could not seep any lower, I was driven to this, I had allowed myself to be treated this way!.
Having a career with vulnerable adults gave me huge responsibilities and my reputation was on the line, how could I possibly admit this to them, I was ashamed of myself. Training for the Protection of vulnerable adults opened my eyes that day when I realised I was the victim, the very word victim, that I lived in denial my entire life had come back to haunt me.
That was the very first day that I chose me…
I packed a bag, drove off to a safe place, under police protection, I upped and left the life as I knew it.
This did not come without its complications and further turmoil, chaos and mayhem, however throughout my breakdown and emotional meltdown, I stood my ground, even though I lost everything I owned, there was no going back, I finally felt alive.
Making decisions about my own life was liberating, I could breath, I felt free, what could my future look like?
By taking the biggest risk in my life, as a choice to actually create a life i could be proud of, I took nothing more than a suitcase over to Australia and started again.
Now…I am grateful to live a life far beyond my wildest expectations. I am me, I am free, I am true, I am authentic and I am happy and I am loved. Not only have I written and published a book,I am truly honoured to work with, inspire and make an impact on many other women in the world to do the same, I found my Passion and my Purpose.
To make a stand for yourself, like i did, and claim your own Power and find your own personal freedom and feel passion in your heart again…
Choose one of the options that suit you best or contact me to help me, help you, find you.
~Join my closed facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/reclaimyourpowerandpassionafterdivorce
~email me for further information on - zeldamarsh.coach@gmail.com
~visit my website www.manifestmerriment.com
